#1 Training Myth: My Dog Needs to Be More Obedient

Being well-behaved is not so much about responding to commands. It’s more about a state of mind.

As you have probably noticed, commands (and cues) don’t work well whenever a dog is scared, worried, anxious, or too distracted or excited. That’s because emotions block thinking. This is when you need to change emotional responses in order to improve behavior— not work harder at obedience.

It’s frustrating, I know, when your dog appears to be “not listening” and is difficult to handle in some situations. But the real problem may be that she’s feeling unsafe (fearful), frustrated, or overwhelmed—all of which can look like aggression or frantic, crazy behaviors. Note that when your pet’s behavior changes suddenly, you should consult your vet to rule out pain, discomfort, and other medical issues.  

Emotional behaviors that distress you and endanger yourself, your dog, other animals, or people do not have a quick fix. Resolving those issues humanely is a process. A certified positive trainer (CPDT) or behavior consultant (CBCC or CDBC) is the best resource for effective, science-based solutions, not the Internet. Please don’t risk making things worse—and harming your relationship—by using spray bottles, prong collars, or shock collars, no matter how many times you’ve heard that they work.

Here are 5 things you can do to improve your dog’s behavior, without so-called corrections.

1. Reduce stress and reactivity with management. If your dog cannot cope with visitors to your home, or visits to the farmers market, or seeing other dogs, or walking in busy areas, stop doing those activities with him/her for now, and seek professional help.  Most dogs will never get used to scary/overwhelming situations with more exposure, and their behavior often gets worse. Fear spreads backwards and generalizes. 

Management prevents rehearsal of unwanted behaviors. A professional positive trainer will suggest ways you may not have considered, to get the situation under control so that new emotional responses and new replacement behaviors can be learned, gradually, under the right conditions.

2. Add more enrichment. Meeting more needs has proven to resolve many behavior issues.  Like humans, dogs share many needs in common, but vary a lot by breed and also individually. Consider whether there’s room for improvement in the areas of health, nutrition, sleep, instinctual behaviors like sniffing and foraging, physical and mental exercise, social interaction, sensory input, calming/relaxing time, independence, safety, and security. 

Some enrichment is very easy, like feeding meals in a variety of food-dispensing toys, instead of a bowl. Walking around scent-rich environments (sniffaris) gives your dog’s amazing nose and brain a workout. Throwing food into the grass or a snuffle mat gives an opportunity to forage, which may replace counter-surfing and help resolve other issues.

Providing healthy edibles to chew on, like meaty bones or collagen or bully sticks, serves a species need that’s both tiring and satisfying, and can replace chewing on your stuff. Digging, a natural behavior for terriers and certain others, can be redirected to a pile of towels, a sandbox, a wading pool filled with mulch, or a box filled with balls, instead of trying to put a stop to it completely. 

You will find a ton of ideas and useful information in Canine Enrichment for the Real World by Allie Bender CDBC and Emily Strong CDBC. 

3. Offer (safe) choices and control. Asking your dog Which way should we walk?, Which toy do you want to play with, or eat out of?, Do you prefer being touched here or there? This treat or that one? and responding accordingly offers pets agency and promotes behavioral wellness. And learning their preferences makes our bond stronger. Dogs who lack choices—and the ability to make good things happen and avoid unpleasant things—can become either shut down or unruly. 

Just as we need to feel in control by having the ability to make choices, so do our dogs need—and hugely benefit from—having a sense of control over what happens to them.  Controlling outcomes is in fact the basis for all behavior, in all species. More control also means less fear and stress—therefore reducing anxiety and aggression.

4. Catch your dog being good. Dogs who get positive feedback for making appropriate choices will do more of that, without being asked. Focus on getting more of those desirable behaviors naturally, and you will see far less of the ones you don’t want. 
These dogs also tend to be more confident, which can help overcome fear and over-arousal.

And knowing that your dog is capable of doing the right thing at the right time will strengthen your relationship and lower your own stress. These dogs also tend to be more connected and pay more attention to your cues because you’re NOT using them to nag or micromanage. 

5. Be aware of trigger stacking. One stressful thing after another, after another, can add up to an explosion. It works the same way for us, right? Noticing when your dog is having a bad day can help prevent that last straw that causes a meltdown. For example, if your dog hates the cold, doesn’t travel well, and trembles when you take her to the vet clinic or groomer, that probably isn’t a good day to meet up with doggy friends, much less to greet unfamiliar dogs on leash.  

Good behavior goes way beyond obedience. 

Copyright Lisa Benshoff 2021, updated 2024